Problems Saying No?

Do you ever find yourself saying “Yes” to something when what you really want to say is “No”?

Many of us do and for varied reasons.

It may mean to us that we are actually standing up for ourselves and that in itself may be a scary thought if we do not hold enough value and respect for who we are and are not used to voicing our own opinion.

Saying no may mean that we have to let go of something. Often this is something that we may have relied on in the past but that is no longer serving us. A bit like a child giving up their security blanket.

By saying no we may feel that we are disappointing someone and if we have within ourselves a need to be wanted, accepted, etc, this will cause the uncomfortable feeling resulting in a “Yes”, when really we want to say “No”.

Whatever the reason behind not being able to say “No”, you can be assured that it is always fear based.

Our ability, or inability, to say “No”, has a direct connection to how we operate in the world and how others treat us. By having a strong ability to say “No” we protect ourselves and project to others around us clear boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable. An inability to say “No” leaves us open to hurt and abuse and sends out confused messages to those we are connected to.

So how do we make saying “No” easier?

Often, we shy away from saying “No” because of the emotional charge connected to the result we might receive by doing so. Think about what you would “really” like to say. This will probably be packed with emotion, possibly even anger. Often, the emotions brought up will relate to something from your past. Deconstruct this message and you will find that the emotions behind it will soften and you will be able to get to the core of the issue, process the emotions fuelling the thoughts and identify the boundary or boundaries you need to put in place. Using this process will enable you to communicate your message more clearly and in a manner that is not emotionally charged.

The ability to say “No” can be quite freeing. When you learn to say no effectively you gain the ability to detach from the emotional charges and stand in your own power to make decisions that are right for you from a place of calm.

Being able to say no can also be empowering to the person you are communicating with. Maybe they don’t really need your help, or are in a situation that they are avoiding facing, and by saying “No” to them they are forced to do it alone and will feel good about themselves for doing so.

Like any old habit, it takes time and practice to change. The first step is awareness of what lies behind your inability to say “No”. Once you have that, it’s just practice. Start with the little things. As you get more confident (and this will happen quickly), move up to the bigger issues. Pretty soon you will find that you will be answering an honest “Yes” or “No” to requests made of you and a whole new world of opportunities will be placed in front of you along with a deeper respect shown towards you from both yourself and those around you.

The University of the Soul

Don’t you just love how life is all about learning! You just “get” one thing and another question is posed. Yes, we’re all Uni students attending the Universe-ity of The Soul.

This idea came to me one day when I was contemplating, once again…….

What happened?

We are all “one”.

We are all here on this earth created by the same source.

Therefore we are a part of this source, an extension of this source.

OK – I get that.

So, what happened?

If we all originated from this source, which is pure love, how did we become “tainted”?

What happened that we now experience the emotions of hate, anger, jealousy etc?

If all that existed was pure love, how were these experiences birthed?

So, there’s the theory of Adam and Eve, who were given freewill to make their own choices and ultimately chose against the grain of pure love.

My question is – If they were created from pure love, therefore were pure love, and were only ever surrounded by pure love, then the idea wouldn’t have even entered their head to choose anything other than that which related to pure love. There wouldn’t even have been the option to choose anything other than pure love?

Would there not?

But then, Adam and Eve were human. Created from Spirit, but human all the same. A combination of ego and spirit, conscious, subconscious and superconscious. In order for humans to know that we are experiencing pure love, or anything other state derived from it, we need to have something to gauge it against. How can we know love when we have never experienced it’s opposite, hate?

And then I looked at the word “Universe”, that which we are all a part of, and made the connection to University.

It was all starting to make sense to me now.

The University is The Universe – The place where we are to study, learn and achieve. Where we learn from our teachers, with and from those around us. Where we form relationships and grow.

The Students of this University are Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience. The Human Experience being what they are at University to learn.

There are many different Courses on offer in this University, presented to us in the form of challenges and experiences. Some we will breeze through and others we may possibly fail at first but with support and encouragement from our teachers and an openness to learn, we can keep retaking these courses until we pass and then move on to the next course.

On completion and passing of all courses offered at the “University of the Soul” you will have reached graduation. In other words enlightenment!

So there you go! Looking at life this way certainly makes me feel more comfortable in accepting the challenges I face in life. In fact it adds a kind of excitement in anticipation of what may be in store for me and I can look upon these experiences with gratitude instead of dread. The level of happiness you experience is based around the way you look at things and we all have the power and ability to change the way we look at things, so why not change to our advantage.

I have no doubt that the analogy I have expressed here will open up much for discussion and debate. I welcome it! I encourage you to post your own comments and opinions. After all, we’re all here to share, learn and grow.